Things we can Learn from a Dog
Things we can learn from Fritz
1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride as long as you can share the driver's seat by leaning heavily on the driver and resting your chin on the driver's head.
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy and prompt you to produce copious amounts of drool to leave on all interior car windows.
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them at 50 miles per hour, with a bone in your mouth.
4. When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience.
4. When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience, keeping a keen eye on the hand that holds the treat, unless there is something more interesting within 100 yards, then ignore everyone and focus entirely on the more interesting person/dog/thing to the point of reaching a trance state.
5. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
5. Let others know when they've invaded your territory by finding the nearest ball/bone/kong to carry in your mouth while wagging your tail ferociously.
6. Take naps, and always stretch before rising.
6. Take naps, and always stretch before rising, particularly if you are napping in someone's lap. While stretching, make sure that a least one paw contacts a particularly vulnerable point on the lap-ees body.
7. Run, romp, and play daily.
7. Run, romp, and play daily with your two housemates, making sure to form a high speed chase and circle the entire interior of the house several times at top speed, jumping on and off furniture and over each other. Stop only after breaking at least one item.
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm, until your metal dish moves and the noise scares you half to death. When your dish is empty, bark at it.
9. Be loyal.
9. Be loyal and never leave your mom's side. If she is washing dishes, lie down directly behind her so she doesn't see you and trips over you. Ditto if she is brushing her teeth.
10. Never pretend to be something you're not.
10. Never pretend to be something you're not. Everyone knows you are a 70 pound lap dog, so don't pretend that you are not.
11. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
11. If what you want lies buried, stare intently at the place where it's located and bark once while jumping up using only your front feet. Repeat at 60 second intervals until help arrives.
12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit in their lap if possible, and promptly fall asleep. Be sure to position yourself so that you must be supported not to fall. The effort of hanging on to a completely relaxed, sleeping 70 pound dog will soon take their mind off their other problems.
13. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
13. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk if you can just keep in mind that there are no monsters behind each and every bush, birds will not attack you, squirrels are generally disposed to stay in their trees and not rush up on you unexpectedly, and fire hydrants do not generally bite dogs.
14. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
14. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Touch them too - jump on them, slobber on them, force your attentions on them if necessary. Never let any lap go unused.
15. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
15. Avoid biting or growling at all costs. Instead wiggle your butt until you fall down.
16. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
16. On hot days, a.) drink lots of water b.) and then lie in the full sun and fall asleep c.) play in the kiddie pool, being sure to splash as much water as possible in all directions and then repeat a & b.
17. When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
17. When you are happy, grab a ball/bone/kong and wiggle your butt furiously while hitting your sister in the face with your tail.
18. No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.
18. No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Come out from wherever you are hiding and make friends (see #17).
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